Story: Fear is a Liar
Article Summary
Today’s post is a story from Kathie on how fear presents itself on a regular basis. How she confronted it last night and this morning. Perhaps it can help you too! This is a daily story article.
Fear is a liar. I say that to myself and those fearful stories I told myself this morning. I say this to anyone who is afraid. We all have demons to fight. I do and so do you. It is how you fight them that says EVERYTHING about who you are and where you live from - victim, victimizer, or victor. I choose victor every single time. It may take me a few minutes to get to victor but I dang sure know how to find it!
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We had a great dinner last night at Lopez, or as Wyatt calls it Wopez. He can’t quite grasp the L sound, he’s only 4.
Great chips and queso, margaritas, and definitely great conversation and company. Eddie and Wyatt just had their haircuts with Lori and looked so dang handsome!! 😍
Toward the end of dinner, the topic of my book came up. Eddie said that his best friend Brad asked him about it. I said, “How the heck does Brad know?” Word gets around. It’s funny because all they knew was “Bubbles.” That was my nickname in college which is another story totally unrelated to my book.
The next comment comes out of left field. Courtney says, “Are you worried about _______ when it comes to the book?” My response is bare and true, “What else can be done to me?”
Now I must mention here Courtney is one who lives in fear. Most of us live in fear. Courtney mentioned a terrorist attack at the World Series Victory Parade for crying out loud. And fear is the way of the world nowadays. It is part of that dang negativity bias we have as humans.
The end of the book is where the truth truly bubbles up you know. I mention how I re-wrote my entire life with my ex and stepmom from a place of compassion. No fear is there!
But I have to admit, I did let fear creep in a little bit! I am human. My self-talk was gory and in detail. I pictured going to court This scene alone is enough to drive me into deep anxiety! Court battles are one of the main sources of my Complex PTSD.
In my mind, I picture going to court alone. I was always alone. In my mind, I won’t hire a lawyer because I have yet to find one that I trust. EVER! I mean I once read this quote somewhere, “Being good at being a lawyer means merely, on average, maximizing injustice.”
So I’d definitely go to court alone. And then I pictured the judge asking my ex’s lawyer what this was all about. I’m sure it would be some elaborate bullshit like always full of denial, distortion, and projection. Those are a narcissist’s favorite defense mechanisms. Also mentioned in the book several times.
Okay, so that’s the fear of a court battle out of my way.
Then my fear of what my boys are going to think and if they will still care for me. I already know my youngest’s answer to that.
And my oldest? Well, he is also very good at the defense mechanisms of denial, distortion, and projection. And taking for granted the love this life gives him. These were lessons instilled in his DNA and the way he was raised, not his fault at all. And I apologize for that.
But if he gets angry at me and cusses me out…..well….I just think to myself, “You expected something different from that man?!” Also in the book!
Guilt is a funny thing.
I learned from Reality Transurfing that guilt and shame are the very things that send you spiraling out of control. Apologize <sincerely> once and be done with it.
Right now as I write this post my ex has taken the boys to Europe on a lavish month-long vacation. My ex missed the World Series because he and “the stepmom” left early for a cruise in Europe. Something I am quite sure she posts on her social media to brag about her fancy lifestyle. Also, her followers could probably care the f**k less. Sadly, for her.
As for me, I know the lifestyle she’s living and I know what I am not missing. Plus I abhor traveling with my ex, also in the book.
But there are two things you must see in these previous paragraphs. First of all, my ex missed the World Series Championship game at home! And second of all, he is traveling his ass off.
Every year since I have known that man he has lost it in September through March. Is it because business is slow during those months or is there a trigger there somewhere he will never face?
“You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”-Ernest Hemingway
The Truth Bubbles Up is all about facing your fears and realizing that you are not a victim of your circumstances.
Fear is a liar. I say that to myself and those fearful stories I told myself this morning. I say this to anyone who is afraid. We all have demons to fight. I do and so do you. It is how you fight them that says EVERYTHING about who you are and where you live from - victim, victimizer, or victor. I choose victor every single time. It may take me a few minutes to get there but I dang sure know how to find it!
Read more articles from Kathie here!
