Think of a time you felt like a victim. Contemplate that for a moment. We've all been there. Probably more often than we like. But there is a way out of it.
Shary Davis was my therapist from 2002 to 2008. I went to therapy every single week for years. Until I graduated. Yes, I graduated from therapy. Because I stopped the mind screw.
Shary has an awesome theory of psychology and it's depicted in this picture.
When in turmoil we spend time in either victim or victimizer. We move between them too. That is what that circle 8 represents. We move between victim and victimizer.
Notice any argument you've ever had, and you will recognize clearly the infinite movement between the victim-victimizer.
There is a way out of this madness though. Oh you can play the pendulum game and just observe it and not give it your energy. But there is a better way out of it. It is called LOVE.
It is also called victor.
Victim mentality is everywhere nowadays. It is entitled. It is like Elizabeth Gilbert describes in her book Big Magic - the martyr.
I have been a martyr. I used to sit and therapy and complain and complain about the way things were with my ex. And I had every right to. He was a total prick about everything that had to do with me.
But I was never going to heal that way. No I needed to find the loving way out of that resistance. Not only loving to him but also to myself.
Shary taught me how to have conversations with my victim self and get out of that mentality.
After all Jesus prayed on the cross about the people that were killing him!!
"Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."
Yes, that is what it takes.
Is that giant forgiveness? Yes. Also yes the ego will fight you to the bitter end. But that ego fight will keep you in victim mentality.
I can promise you - it feels so much better to let go in love, forgive, and live in victor.
I give examples in this episode of how I did this. How I did this with my own house that was stolen from me. Yes, I let go in the name of love, in the name of victor. And I can tell you that it is fact more peaceful than fighting in the name of ego.
Here are links to the blog post and video mentioned in the episode.
And here is the Podcast Episode where I discuss this in detail and give examples of how I moved from victim-victimizer to victor.
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