Your Ego Thinks This Shouldn’t Be Happening—But What If It’s Exactly What’s Meant to Be?

Let’s talk about something tender, something raw, something profoundly human: the moment your heart breaks watching someone—or something—you love suffer, and the part of you that screams inside, “This shouldn’t be happening!”

Sound familiar?

That voice? That panicked, fix-it-at-all-costs urgency? That’s not your intuition. It’s not divine wisdom. It’s your ego. And while your ego isn’t bad (let’s stop demonizing it), it is terrified of discomfort. It believes it must avoid suffering at all costs—even if that means trying to control the uncontrollable.

Today, I want to unpack that voice and how I’ve been navigating my own tender lessons around it. Consider this your invitation to look at suffering, empathy, and healing through the lens of I AM—that divine presence within you that does not resist life, but transforms it.

This isn’t about bypassing pain.

It’s about transcending the trap that says, “If I fix this, I’ll be safe.”

Let’s dive in.

When Love Meets Helplessness: The Ego Panics

A few weeks ago, I noticed my dog Rusty walking in a daze. He’s 14 years old, over a hundred in “dog years,” and I’ve had the privilege of walking through life with him for more than a decade. He’s seen me through countless transitions, and now, he’s in one of his own.

Rusty is going blind.

At first, I did what any loving pet owner would do—I took him to the vet, asked questions, monitored his medications. I watched him closely as he bumped into curbs he used to navigate with ease. I adjusted our routines, changed the lighting, tried to make everything as safe and familiar as possible.

But no matter what I did, that feeling wouldn’t go away.

That helpless, suffocating ache in my chest.

You know what that was? Not grief. Not love. That was ego.

The ego hates helplessness. It panics in the face of what it cannot control. It thinks, “How can I fix this so that I don’t have to feel this way?” And it masks that panic as care. It says, “I just don’t want him to suffer,” when really it means, “I can’t bear myself suffering by watching this.”

And let me say something loud and clear: That’s okay. It’s not wrong to feel that way. It’s human. But when we let the ego run the show, we stay stuck in resistance.

“Should” Is a Dirty Word

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “This shouldn’t be happening”?

Yep. That’s ego-speak.

The ego believes it’s the center of the universe and that the universe should bend around its preferences. It doesn’t want you to feel discomfort, sadness, grief, or fear. So it starts playing fixer. “He shouldn’t be sick.” “She shouldn’t be struggling.” “This shouldn’t be happening to me.”

But who said it shouldn’t?

Neville Goddard, the mystic and metaphysical teacher, reminds us that the I AM within us—the divine presence—is not panicked. It doesn’t say, “Should.” It simply is. And when you align with I AM, you begin to accept the now, not from apathy but from a deeper trust.

Rusty’s journey is not a problem to solve. It is a sacred unfolding. When I remembered that, peace returned.

Watching Someone You Love Suffer: Another Layer of Ego

Shortly after that, my partner Eddie was hit by a careless driver. His truck—his mobile office, really—was totaled. This wasn’t just an inconvenience; it was a big disruption to his life and work. What made it worse was the drawn-out battle with a shady insurance company. The delays. The excuses. The mounting frustration.

And there it was again.

That voice inside me going, “How do I fix this? How can I make this go away?”

Why? Because I hate seeing him suffer. Because I feel out of control. That is the ego again, rising up, screaming, “This is unfair! It shouldn’t be like this!”

But is that really the truth?

Or is it my ego’s need for certainty and control masquerading as compassion?

The Pendulum Effect: When Emotion Feeds the Chaos

This is where Reality Transurfing enters the chat (and if you’re new to this concept, welcome to your next obsession).

Vadim Zeland teaches us about pendulums—energetic thought structures that gain power when we feed them with emotion. Fear. Panic. Drama. Resistance. All of that keeps the pendulum swinging wildly, demanding more of your precious energy.

When we rush to “fix,” we often feed the pendulum.

Instead of responding from our I AM presence, we react from ego, fear, and control. And the pendulum eats it up.

But if we pause…

If we breathe…

If we dare to see the situation as ideal, even when it hurts…

We starve the pendulum.

We return to our power.

Empathy vs. Enmeshment: Knowing the Difference

Here’s a quote from the book Empathy by Roman Krznaric that shook me:

“Empathy is a constant awareness of the fact that your concerns are not everyone’s concerns and your needs are not everyone’s needs.”

Whew.

My need for Rusty to stay youthful forever? That’s my need.

My desire for Eddie not to face delays or injustice? That’s my discomfort with uncertainty.

And if I’m not careful, I’ll project that onto them and call it love.

But that’s not empathy. That’s enmeshment.

True empathy says, “I see you. I witness your pain. I honor it. But I don’t need to control it.”

Your Job Is Not to Fix—It’s to Trust

So what do we do instead?

We let the I AM take the lead.

Parallel Universes of Self

By Dodson, Frederick

We say:

Rusty is not broken.

Eddie is not stuck.

My loved ones are not helpless.

And I don’t need to fix anything to feel peace.

Instead, I witness. I trust. I accept what is, not with resignation, but with reverence. And I remind myself:

“Every problem you are feeling in your life is an opportunity to find better context from which to circumscribe the issue.” — Frederick Dodson

Context is everything. The way you look at a problem shapes your reality more than the problem itself.

So Here’s the Invitation…

Ask yourself:

Where in your life are you being invited to stop fixing and start trusting?

Where is your ego screaming, “This shouldn’t be happening!”—and how can you soften into, “Maybe it should”?

Rusty’s vision may not return.

Eddie’s truck may not be restored.

But love, presence, and peace?

Those never left.

And the moment I stopped trying to fix everything and started to trust the unfolding, everything changed. Not outside of me—but within me.

And that’s where real transformation begins.

About Kathie Owen

Kathie Owen is a corporate wellness consultant, mindset coach, and the founder of Top Workplace Wellness. With over two decades of experience in fitness, psychology, and leadership development, Kathie helps individuals and organizations unlock lasting transformation through emotional intelligence, stress resilience, and heart-centered living.

Drawing from teachings like Reality Transurfing and Neville Goddard, Kathie empowers others to shift from resistance to trust, and from burnout to brilliance.

She believes the greatest power we hold is in our perception—and when we align with our I AM, anything becomes possible. When she’s not coaching or speaking, you can find her walking with her dog Rusty, practicing what she preaches—presence, peace, and purpose.

Follow Kathie on Social Media

Transcript

I wanted to talk about something today that I have been really thinking about, and it's probably because I'm reading this book called Project 3 6 9, and it talks about the ego and how the ego is selfish and it doesn't wanna suffer, and so I've been contemplating something. How the ego thinks the world revolves around it and that it should not be uncomfortable. And let me remind you, should is a dirty word. And today I'm gonna talk to you about some stuff I've been contemplating. I'm gonna interpret it. With Reality Transurfing and of course Neville Goddard. And the way my ego is looking at some things that are going on and it feels like it shouldn't suffer. For example, my dog's health. He's going blind and it's really hurting me. He's been a part of my life for 14 years. I know he is gonna transition soon. And what does my ego think of all of that? And how did I kind of overcome that thing that I was suffering from because of my ego and also. I wanna talk about something that happened with my partner, how he got into a wreck that was not his fault, and how he's had all this trouble going on and how I hate seeing him suffer. And so that's my ego thinking there too. So let's get into the video and the concepts that I wanna talk about today. You are listening to Kathie's Coaching podcast. I'm your host, Kathie Owen. Today's episode is straight from the Heart. It's for anyone who has ever tried to fix someone else's pain. For anyone who's felt helpless watching a loved one suffer, be it a partner, a parent, a child, a pet, for anyone whose ego is screamed, this shouldn't be happening to me. And I wanna gently unpack something that I've been living through lately and it's still unfolding, but I believe there is wisdom in sharing while the lesson is still raw, because this is not about. Bypassing pain. This is not about bypassing pain. I'm just gonna repeat that. This is about learning to see it through the eyes of I am or through the eyes of the universe or God, whatever you happen to call it, and this is the presence within us that does not resist life, but accepts and transforms it. So my dog, rusty, is actually going blind and sometimes his vision seems worse than others. Like he just walks around in a daze and I took him to the vet, and the vet seems to think that it's his cataracts. I don't know. I kind of think it's his medication. It's also his age and you know, he's on seizure medication, he's on steroids for his back. And you know, all of this can be monitored and taken care of, at least through medication. But I'm just trying to make him comfortable and take care of him as to the best I can. I mean, he's 14 years old, he's over. A hundred years old and people years, this is going to happen. And he has been a symbol of joy in my life and loyalty in my life for many years. I mean, he's been with me through so many transitions in my life and now he is transitioning. He's older, he's moving slower. He falls off of curbs and that he knows are there, but I know it's because his vision is messed up. And, it's hard to see him like this, and it hurts not just because I don't want him to suffer, but because I don't wanna feel helpless. It, it drives me crazy, but that's the ego. The ego hates helplessness. It thinks, how can I heal him? How can I fix this? Um, let me repeat that.'cause it's kind of important. The ego thinks, how can I fix this and let me add something. It wants to fix it so that it doesn't suffer. But I'm starting to see that this, this very reaction is ego. And I've been thinking about this a lot lately, like. Why am I resisting all of this that's going on and why am I thinking these thoughts? And I started to realize it was ego. And again, I'm gonna go back to that book, project 3, 6, 9, and it just help me kind of see this. To think about what the ego is seeing and how it's trying to fix everything. Because the I am in me does not panic. It does not resist. It accepts Rusty's journey as perfect, not in a passive way, but in a trusting divine way. And this kind of gave me peace to know this Rusty's not broken. He's just adapting. He's still whole and he will continue to be whether I fix anything or not. And. You know, this was just something I was contemplating like, why am I so worried about him? Why am I so concerned? It was my ego trying to fix it. That was why, because my ego did not wanna suffer watching him. But is he really not complete or not whole? And the answer to that came from I am. And it said, no, he's not. And then there's my partner. He got into a wreck several weeks ago and it totaled his truck, and his truck is his office. And this was completely not his fault, but the insurance company that this girl had. Was kind of shady insurance, and so there's this long drawn out process that he's had to go through. But this truck, he took immaculate care of it. He really took good care of it, although it had a lot of miles on it because that's his office. That's what he works out of. And this destroyed it. And to be honest with you, our egos were attached to that. It's like, it's gone. It's gone forever. We're not gonna have it back, which ki kind of hurt. And then now he's having to deal with all this insurance BS. And it's so hard and there's a part of me that kept saying, how do I fix this? What can I do? Because I hate to see him suffer. And that's my ego. Yeah, but there's a wiser voice inside me. It says, let go, detach and trust. And I have practiced detachment before in my life and it's really been powerful to do that. And I'm not saying bypass the emotions. I'm not saying don't feel them, absolutely feel them. But release what your ego is expecting everything to do because your ego doesn't wanna suffer. And again, I'm gonna say, my ego was saying he should not be going through this and should is the ego, should is a dirty word and should resist what is. And as Neville Goddard reminds us, I am does not suffer. I am accepts all as ideal. And I came across a quote from reality trans surfing. And Vadim Ziland wrote this. He said, pendulums provoke people into taking risks because the fear, tension, and excitement, the risk taker experiences are the pendulum's favorite energy dishes." And when we watch someone suffer and immediately react with panic, we are feeding the pendulum. And a pendulum is just a thought structure that only wants our energy. So when it gets that excitement and that tension and us wanting to fix everything, that is the pendulum taking our energy. The pendulum loves fear. It loves our tension. It loves our need to fix. And it wants us to get sucked into the drama so it can keep swinging. But when we see the situation as ideal, even when it looks broken from the outside, we starve the pendulum. We reclaim our energy. We let the I am take the lead. This doesn't mean we stop caring. It means we stop feeding fear. We stop believing the illusion that we must fix anything for peace to exist. So I'm gonna add something here right now, and for every video I do, I include a blog post that includes bonus resources as well to go with this, and it's in the show notes and description below. I will have it linked down there, but these quotes will be there as well. Because I'm gonna come, come through with some more quotes that I came across today that are very relatable to this. And it had so much to do with what I was thinking. I was like, I've gotta record this. If, just for me to come back and look at this, because once I started shifting my mind, you know, my ego was thinking, I'm just gonna heal rusty. I'm just gonna heal him like I've always done in the past. No, he's not the problem. My problem was my thinking about it and this really like opened me up and helped me to relax into what is going on and relax and accept instead of resist, because what you resist, persist. But Frederick Dodson, who wrote the book, Reality Creation and Manifestation, also had this quote. He said,"every problem you are feeling in your life is an opportunity to find better context from which to circumscribe the issue." Uh, let that land, okay. Every problem is an invitation to change the lens. Not to solve the problem immediately, but to zoom out and say, what is the higher truth here? So with Rusty, the better context is not he's suffering and I must fix him. It is. He is aging in the most loving, natural way, and I get to walk beside him through it with peace and grace. You know, it just is an opportunity for me to look at things differently. When you change the way you think about things, the world changes. And I know that sounds cliche, and I know you've heard that before, but it does. It really, really does. So with my partner and his truck wreck, this is not unfair and I must make the insurance company behave. It is. My partner is a powerful creator and his new solution is on the way. I can see him as already supported, even if I don't understand how, that's not detachment as avoidance. It's loving awareness and it's the energy of someone who trusts the unfolding. So then I came across this quote from the book called Empathy and the author of the book, I can't totally say his name, it's Roman Krzanak and again, I'm gonna have a link to the book in the show notes and description below. In the blog post that goes with this episode, so I invite you to check that out because those quotes will be there as well. I don't know about you. I'm one that likes to read this stuff. But in the book Empathy, he wrote."Empathy is a constant awareness of the fact that your concerns are not everyone's concerns and your needs are not everyone's needs." And that quote hit me like a lightning bolt because my need for rusty to be youthful forever is my need. My desire for Eddie not to face delays or injustice is my discomfort with uncertainty. But they may be experiencing growth, trust, or even peace. And if I'm not careful, I'll project my discomfort onto them and call it love. That's not empathy. That's enmeshment. And true empathy says, I see your experience. I feel it, but I don't need to control it. And you know, I feel that's my ego going, I don't wanna suffer, but. You don't need to control it. That's your ego going, I have to control everything so I don't suffer. And that that's not the way. So what is the alternative? It's not bypassing, it is not apathy. It's the quiet, powerful stance of I am and I am is God in you? And the fact that you start to realize this, you start to realize that you see every challenge as a part of perfect unfolding, and it's believing that even this, yes, even this is ideal. So when I started picturing Rusty as ideal. Because he is, it started to shift everything just because I don't wanna suffer because he's hurting. It's, that's not for me to decide. And Neville Goddard teaches us to see everything and everyone in our world as a reflection of our own consciousness. This is everyone is me pushed out. So what happens when we stop resisting suffering and instead send it love? When we stop trying to fix and start imagining peace, wholeness, and quiet strength, that's when we shift. That's when the pendulum weakens. That's when healing becomes possible. Not because we forced it, but because we allowed it. And I'm going to come back to this because I'm going through this right now. I'm living this. That's why I wanted to get on here and record this, because I want to see what happens now that I'm letting go of that resistance. Because I've been hitting resistance in a lot of different ways lately, and I'm starting to see it differently, and I'm starting to see that the ego is trying to control everything because it doesn't wanna suffer so-called suffer. How do you know that's gonna be suffering? How do you know that? I don't wanna suffer. I want everything to stay the same. That's not change, that's not gonna happen. And Rusty is not broken. My partner, is not stuck. Your loved ones are not helpless, and you are not here to fix anything. That's your ego screaming, I gotta fix this. You are here to witness, to trust, to stop resisting, to remember that I am within you, the one who already sees everything as whole and evolving. And if this message touched something in you today, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Comment below and let me know where in your life are you being invited to stop fixing and start trusting. And I invite you just to ask that question to yourself. Where in your life are you being invited to stop fixing and start trusting and stop letting your ego run the show. And if you want more conversations like this, deep, real, and full of light, hit that subscribe button and share it with someone you love. Thank you for being here today. I appreciate you, and if you know someone who can benefit from this, please share it with them. Until next time, I will see you next time. Peace out and Namaste.

What If Nothing Is Wrong? How to Stop Resisting Life’s Hardest Moments

Your Ego Thinks This Shouldn’t Be Happening—But What If It’s Exactly What’s Meant to Be?

Watch the video here:

Listen to the episode here: