Why Anger Really Means Pain (Ted Lasso Taught Me)

The Pyramid of Success… Flipped on Its Head

Hi friends, it’s Kathie here, and today we’re doing something new and close to my heart. I’m starting a whole playlist of life lessons from the show Ted Lasso.

The very first stop? The Season 2 finale: Inverting the Pyramid of Success.

If you’ve seen it, you know—it’s intense. Nate, the once quiet kit man who rose to coach, absolutely unloads on Ted. His anger, his pain, his confusion about where he belonged…it all came spilling out.

And honestly? I felt it. Deep in my bones.

Because Ted Lasso isn’t just a show about soccer. It’s a show about leadership, kindness, and the messy, complicated experience of being human.

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Watch today’s video:

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Nate’s Rise and Fall

Ted promoted Nate. He gave him a voice, trusted him, lifted him up. Nate went from invisible to powerful in a short amount of time.

But by the finale, Nate’s boiling over. He’s furious at Ted. He says Ted abandoned him, that Ted doesn’t believe in him anymore.

On the surface, that’s the story. But underneath? Nate is heartbroken.

He wanted to belong. He wanted Ted to keep him close. Instead, Ted—busy battling his own panic attacks and loneliness—didn’t notice how forgotten Nate felt.

And that’s lesson number one: anger almost always covers pain.

You’ve heard the saying: hurt people hurt people. When we’re overlooked or unsupported, especially by someone we admire, it can feel unbearable. It’s easier to lash out than to admit, I feel invisible.

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My Own Invisible Seasons

That hit home for me.

I remember times when I felt unseen at work, in relationships, even in my own family.

Years ago, I worked in a corporate wellness job that looked like a dream on the outside—building gyms, running health fairs, creating programs. But inside? The culture shifted. Leadership changed. And suddenly wellness wasn’t wellness anymore. It was a checkbox.

I was hurting. And that pain came out sideways—frustration, defensiveness, shutting down. But really, it was grief. Grief for not being acknowledged, for not being held.

Like Nate, I longed for recognition. Like Nate, I wanted someone to see me.

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Leaders Aren’t Perfect Either

And here’s the twist: Ted wasn’t perfect either. He was drowning in his own storms—panic attacks, loneliness, and the pressure of leading a team thousands of miles from home.

Sometimes leaders, parents, friends, even partners, pull back when they’re overwhelmed. Not because you’re unworthy. But because they’re drowning.

That’s huge to remember.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. Recently, I really wanted support from my partner, Eddie. And at the time, it felt like he wasn’t there for me. It stung. But when I stepped back, I realized—he was dealing with his own stress. It wasn’t about me being unimportant. It was about him trying to cope.

That shift from hurt to compassion changed everything.

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Anger Is Often Just Heartbreak

Here’s the truth: we all crave belonging. We want our growth to be celebrated, not ignored. And when we blow up—or when others blow up at us—it usually traces back to unseen pain.

It’s so easy to label someone “toxic” or “angry.” But if we pause, we might see heartbreak underneath.

And sometimes, we’re the Ted. Someone around us feels unseen, and we don’t realize it. We’re too wrapped up in our own stress to notice.

That’s worth reflecting on:

• Who might need a word of encouragement from you today?

• Who could be wondering if you even notice them?

And if we’re Nate? Can we find the courage to voice the hurt before it festers into rage?

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The Pyramid of Success, Inverted

The episode title comes from John Wooden’s famous Pyramid of Success. Usually, the top block is “competitive greatness.” But in Ted Lasso, the pyramid gets flipped.

The top isn’t about dominance. It’s about relationship and trust.

Success isn’t climbing over each other. It’s connection. Compassion. Humility. Even when it’s messy.

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How to Apply This in Real Life

Here’s what I’m taking away—and maybe you can too:

1. Feel before you fight. Pause. Ask: What’s underneath my anger? Am I hurt, lonely, scared?

2. Work through the pain. Journal it. Share it. Pray it. Whatever your outlet, let it move through you.

3. Reach out with love. If someone’s pulling away, check in gently before resentment grows.

4. Be human in leadership. People need to feel seen, not just managed. And forgive yourself when you miss it—repair matters more than perfection.

Because here’s the deal: you’ll miss it. I’ll miss it. Ted missed it with Nate. And yet, repair is always possible.

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Final Thoughts

If you’re navigating tough relationships, building something new, or simply feeling unseen—you’re not alone.

Anger is human. Hurt is human. But healing is possible.

Ted Lasso shows us that we can fail and still choose kindness. We can hurt and still choose to love again. And when we feel unseen, we can learn to see ourselves first.

That’s the kind of success worth chasing.

I’m so excited to explore more Ted Lasso lessons with you. Because when we learn through story, we grow in ways we never expected.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs encouragement. And don’t forget—subscribe so you don’t miss the next life lesson.

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About Kathie

Kathie Owen is a heart-centered corporate wellness consultant, mindset coach, and speaker with over 25 years of experience in fitness, wellness, and personal development. After navigating burnout in a toxic workplace, she now helps leaders and teams build resilience, energy, and meaningful connection—without the checkbox approach. Through coaching, speaking, and her Skool community, Kathie shares practical tools and heart-driven wisdom to create healthy, thriving workplaces and lives.

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Read More Articles from Kathie

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Transcript

  📍 📍 📍 📍 Hi friends. It's Kathie here, and today we're kicking off something new and close to my heart. A playlist of life lessons from the show, Ted Lasso.   📍 The very first episode we're diving into is the season two finale, Inverting the Pyramid of  Success. If you've seen it, you know this one's intense. It's the episode where Nate, the quiet kit man who rose to coach absolutely unloads on Ted.

And honestly, I felt it, his anger, his hurt, the confusion about where he belonged, I felt that, and I know many of you have too. So the show Ted Lasso, if you are new, isn't just about soccer. It's about leadership. It's about kindness and being human. In this episode, Nate, has gone from invisible to powerful.

Ted promoted him, trusted him, and gave him a voice. But by the finale, Nate's boiling over. He's furious at Ted and says so in a way that feels like betrayal. On the surface, Nate says, Ted abandoned him and doesn't believe in him anymore. Underneath Nate is heartbroken. He craved recognition and consistency.

He wanted Ted to keep him close, but Ted dealing with his own panic and personal storms didn't realize how forgotten Nate felt.

Here's the first life lesson in this episode. Anger almost always covers pain. You know, they say hurt people, hurt people. When we're overlooked or unsupported, especially by someone we admire, the wound can feel unbearable. It's easy to lash out than to admit. I feel invisible.

  📍 I think about times in my life when I felt unseen in work, in relationships, even in my own family, I beat myself up  over something that I had no control over. Workplace trauma and being stuck in a corporate job that was run and dictated by rules and regulations that did not align with my core values.

That pain sometimes came out sideways. Frustration, defensiveness, shutting down. But really it was grief. Grief for not being acknowledged or held. You know, Ted isn't perfect either. He's dealing with panic attacks and loneliness, thousands of miles from home. He wants to help but doesn't know how to face Nate's pain.

Sometimes leaders, parents, friends, pull back when they're overwhelmed, not because you're unworthy, but because they're drowning too. This is huge to remember. When someone doesn't show up for you, it's not always about you. I felt something similar recently. There was a moment when I really wanted support from my partner, Eddie.

At the time, it felt like he wasn't there for me and it stung. But once I stepped back, I could see he was working through his own stress. It wasn't about being unimportant, it was about him trying to cope with what was on his plate. That shift in perspective helped me move from hurt to compassion.

This isn't just about coaches and players, it's about all of us. We wanna belong. We want our growth to be celebrated, not ignored. We sometimes fail each other because we're busy surviving our own storms. Think about your workplace, your friendships, your family. How often do blowups. Trace back to unseen pain.

It's so easy to label someone angry or toxic, but if we pause, we might find heartbreak underneath. Another tough truth sometimes where the Ted, someone around us feels unseen and we don't realize it. Maybe we're wrapped up in anxiety or just trying to hold ourselves together. I feel that. But it's worth asking who might need a word of encouragement from me who could be wondering if I even notice them.

And on the flip side, if we're Nate, can we find the courage to voice the hurt before it festers into rage? I'll be honest, this show has mirrored my own healing journey, feeling misunderstood by loved ones. For example, I've been building something new and sometimes it feels like people closest to me don't get it.

Yeah, that's the life of an entrepreneur and that hurts deeply, but I'm learning to feel the pain without letting it turn into bitterness. When I watch Nate Lash out, I see my younger self, the part of me that long for recognition and safety, and when I watch Ted Stumble. But keep choosing kindness. I see who I'm becoming.

Someone who doesn't have to be perfect to love. Well, the Pyramid of Success, John Wooden's famous framework, usually ends up with competitive greatness, but the show flips it. The top isn't dominance. It's relationship and trust. That's the message. Success isn't about climbing over each other. It's about connection, compassion, and humility.

Even when it's messy, here's what I'm taking away, and maybe you can too feel before you fight. Pause and ask, what's underneath my anger? Am I hurt, lonely, scared? Work through that journal it. Reach out if someone's pulling away. Check in with love before resentment grows. That one is helpful, and be human in leadership.

Whether you lead a team, a family, or just yourself.

Remember, people need to feel seen, not just managed, and forgive yourself when you miss it, Ted. Missed it with Nate. You'll miss it too. Repair matters more than perfection. If you're navigating tough relationships, building something new, or simply feeling unseen, you are not alone. Anger is human hurt, is human and healing is possible.

Ted Lasso shows us we can fail and still choose kindness. We can hurt and still choose to love again, and when we feel unseen, we can learn to see ourselves first. I'm super excited to explore more Ted Lasso lessons with you because great storytelling helps us grow.   📍 If you wanna come along on this journey, make sure you subscribe and hit the bell so you don't miss the next episode.

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  📍 Check the links in the description below. Too many new things are coming in the  pipeline to you. Alright, that's my episode for today. I trust that you found it helpful. And if you know someone who can benefit from this, please share it with them. And until next time, I'll see you next time. Peace out and namaste.