Emotional Regulation at Work:

Why Change Breaks Systems—and How Leaders Contain It

Most people think emotional regulation is personal.

Something you work on at home.

Something you deal with in relationships.

Something for therapy or meditation.

But the truth is simpler.

And more uncomfortable.

The workplace—especially during change—is one of the most emotionally dysregulated environments we live in.

Not because people are weak.

Not because leaders are failing.

But because change threatens things humans are wired to protect.

Identity.

Security.

Belonging.

Future income.

And when those feel shaky, emotions don’t disappear.

They go underground.

This article is about emotional regulation.

Not as self-help.

Not as mindset fluff.

But as a real-world leadership skill that quietly determines whether change succeeds or collapses.

Watch the video here

Listen to the podcast episode here

Why Change Disrupts Emotional Control So Fast

Here’s what most organizations miss.

When change enters a system—

a merger
an acquisition
a restructure
a leadership shift

People are not just thinking about work.

They are silently asking:

Am I safe here?

Do I still matter?

Will I have a job in six months?

These questions are not irrational.

They are human.

And when they stay unanswered, they begin to drive behavior.

People stop asking questions in meetings.

Side conversations increase.

Productivity looks “fine” on paper.

But decisions slow.

Tension rises.

Departments that once worked well together begin to subtly compete.

Nothing is “wrong” on the surface.

But underneath, fear has taken the wheel.

What Unregulated Fear Looks Like at Work

Unregulated emotion rarely looks dramatic.

It looks like:

Leaders over-explaining to feel in control
Employees disengaging quietly
Teams posturing instead of collaborating
Decisions being delayed “just in case”
Talent leaving without saying why

Fear doesn’t always scream.

Often, it whispers.

And when fear runs the system, clarity disappears.

Regulation Creates Choice. Fear Removes It.

One of the first things that happens when someone learns to regulate emotion during change is choice returns.

Instead of looping thoughts like:

What if I lose my job?
What if everything changes?
What if this gets worse?

Better questions emerge:

Is this environment still aligned for me?
Does this change strengthen the organization—or expose cracks?
What do I actually want next?

Sometimes clarity leads to staying.

Sometimes clarity leads to leaving.

But clarity only comes after regulation.

You cannot think your way out of fear.

You have to stabilize first.

What Professional Athletes Understand That Workplaces Ignore

This is why I study professional athletes.

During playoff season, the games are tight.

Often decided in the final minute.

When the game ends, the camera always does the same thing.

It goes straight to the losing quarterback.

National television.

Season over.

Months of work finished in one moment.

What matters isn’t the score.

It’s the face.

You can see disappointment.

You can see grief.

You can see weight.

And sometimes—composure.

That composure is not emotional absence.

It’s emotional containment.

Professional athletes feel everything.

They just don’t let it run the system.

They understand something most workplaces avoid admitting:

Your season can end at any time.

Injury.

Trade.

Loss.

Off year.

Making it to the playoffs is already an accomplishment.

Not every team wins.

That’s not pessimism.

That’s reality.

And emotionally regulated people can face reality.

Emotional Regulation Is Not “Staying Calm”

Let’s clear this up.

Emotional regulation does not mean:

Never crying
Never feeling disappointment
Never grieving loss

It means where and how emotion is expressed.

Athletes don’t break down in the huddle.

They don’t lose containment mid-play.

They handle the moment.

Then they process it appropriately.

The workplace is no different.

You don’t unravel in the boardroom.

You don’t emotionally leak into the team when clarity is needed.

You contain first.

You process later.

That is regulation.

Why Emotional Regulation Is a Risk Factor in Mergers

In mergers and acquisitions, emotional regulation is not a soft skill.

It is a risk variable.

When leaders cannot regulate:

Communication deteriorates
Rumors replace facts
Trust erodes quietly
High performers disengage
Integration fails before numbers show it

When leaders can regulate:

Decisions stabilize
Teams adapt faster
Reality is faced earlier
People make aligned choices
Culture has a chance to survive

Most integrations fail emotionally long before they fail financially.

Containment Is the Missing Leadership Skill

The workplace does not need more motivational speeches during change.

It needs containment.

Containment looks like:

Leaders who pause instead of react
Clear communication without overpromising
Holding pressure without leaking it downward
Naming uncertainty without amplifying fear

Containment does not mean having all the answers.

It means being able to hold unanswered questions without destabilizing the system.

That is leadership.

Practical Ways Leaders Can Regulate During Change

Here are tools leaders can use immediately.

No therapy language.

No fluff.

1. Name Reality Without Emotion

Say what is true.

Not what is comforting.

Not what is catastrophic.

Clarity stabilizes nervous systems.

2. Separate Processing From Performance

Have spaces for emotion.

And spaces for decision-making.

Don’t mix them.

3. Watch Where Fear Shows Up

Fear often hides in:

Over-control
Over-talking
Silence
Urgency

Notice it before acting.

4. Slow the Moment Before Deciding

Speed feels productive.

But clarity lives in pause.

5. Ask Better Questions

Fear asks “How do we avoid loss?”

Regulation asks “What is actually aligned?”

Why Observation Comes Before Advice

This is why my work begins with observation.

Not because people don’t want advice.

But because advice without regulation doesn’t land.

You cannot fix what fear is running.

You have to see where pressure is leaking first.

Once containment exists, insight follows naturally.

Final Thought

Change is not the problem.

Unregulated emotion is.

When leaders can hold pressure without leaking it into the system, teams stabilize.

Clarity returns.

People adapt.

And decisions improve.

The future doesn’t require certainty.

It requires regulation.

Transcript

Hello and welcome if you're new here. My name is Kathie Owen. I work with leaders and organizations who carry a lot of responsibility, especially during periods of change. My work is invitation only and it starts with observing not advice. Today, I wanna talk about emotional regulation, not as a self-help concept, but as a practical, real world skill. And why the workplace, especially during change, is one of the most emotionally dysregulated environments we operate in. Most people think emotional regulation is something we struggle with in our personal lives, but the workplace, particularly during moments of uncertainty, is where emotional regulation breaks down the fastest. Why? Because people aren't just worried about performance, they're worried about their role, their identity, their income, their future. And when change enters the system, a restructuring, a merger, an acquisition, fear quietly takes over. Not always loudly, often subtly. Let me give you a simple example. I've observed organizations going through acquisitions where nothing official had even been announced yet. And still the emotional shift was immediate. You could feel it. People stopped asking questions in meetings, side conversations increased, productivity looked"fine" on paper, but decision making slowed, tension rose between departments that had previously worked together well. And underneath all of it was the same unspoken question,"Am I gonna lose my job?" Here's the important part. That question isn't irrational. It's human. And when it goes unregulated, it drives behavior. People cling, people, posture, people disengage, people make decisions from fear instead of clarity. One of the most interesting things I see when people begin to emotionally regulate during change is this, they gain choice. Instead of spiraling around, what if I lose my job? What if everything changes? What if this gets worse? They begin asking better questions. Is this environment still aligned for me? Does this acquisition strengthen the company or expose its weaknesses? What do I want next? Sometimes clarity leads to staying. Sometimes clarity leads to leaving, but clarity only shows up after regulation. This is why I study professional athletes. Professional football season is in the middle of playoffs right now, and the playoff games were actually a perfect example. The game was tight. The outcome could have gone either way down to the final minute, and when the game ended, the camera did what it always does. It went straight to the losing quarterback. National television, season over, months of preparation finished in one moment. And what I watched closely wasn't the score. It was his face. You could see the disappointment, you could see the weight of it, and you could also see composure. He didn't unravel, he didn't leash out, he didn't collapse in the moment where millions of people were watching. That's emotional regulation. Not the absence of emotion, but containment of it. Professional athletes understand something most workplaces avoid acknowledging. Your season can end at any time. An injury, a loss, a trade, an off year, and the fact you even make it to the playoffs is in itself an accomplishment. Because not every team is going to win. And that's not pessimism. That's reality. And reality is something emotionally regulated people can face. Now, does that mean you don't feel it? Of course not. You might cry, you might grieve. You might need space to process. That is still emotional regulation. What matters is where and how emotions are expressed. You don't break down in the huddle, you don't lose containment in the middle of the play. You handle the moment, and then you process it appropriately. The workplace is no different. Change happens, mergers happen, acquisitions happen, roles shift, careers end, new ones begin. When leaders can regulate emotionally, they think more clearly. They make better decisions. They see options instead of threats, and when they can't, emotion runs the system. This is why I study professional athletes. They feel everything. They just don't let it run the system. That is excellence. In mergers and acquisitions, emotional regulation is not a soft skill. It is a risk factor. When leaders can't regulate communication deteriorates, rumors replace facts, trust errodes, talent quietly exits. Integration fails long before numbers reflect it. When leaders can regulate clarity improves, decisions stabilize, teams adapt faster, people make aligned choices instead of reactive ones. This is often where I come in, not to calm people down, but to observe where pressure is leaking and help contain it. Emotional regulation is not about being calm all the time. It's about noticing when fear is driving behavior. It's about pausing long enough to regain perspective. It's about making decisions from clarity instead of urgency. When regulation improves, leaders can see more clearly. They can see whether an acquisition is healthy. They can see whether a culture will survive integration, and they can see whether staying is aligned or leaving is the right move. The workplace doesn't need more motivational language during change. It needs containment. It needs clarity. It needs leaders who can hold pressure without leaking it into the system. I've written a deeper case study on emotional regulation in the workplace, particularly during mergers and acquisitions, and you'll find that blog post linked in the show notes and description below. And if you're operating inside an organization where change is creating uncertainty, my consulting work is invitation only and begins with an observation, not advice. All right, that's my episode for today. I trust that you found it helpful. And if you know someone who could benefit from this, please share it with them. And thank you for being here. Until next time, I will see you next time.

When Change Hits, Emotions Run the Company