If You Need a Date to Change, You’re Avoiding Something

I’ve never liked New Year’s resolutions.

Not because I’m anti-growth.

Not because I don’t believe in discipline.

And definitely not because I don’t believe people can change.

I don’t like them because they’re dishonest.

Here’s the truth most people don’t want to look at:

If you need a date to change, you’re avoiding something.

That sentence isn’t judgment.

It’s pattern recognition.

And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Watch the video here.

Listen to the podcast episode here.

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This Isn’t an Opinion — It’s a Pattern I’ve Watched for Decades

I’ve been a personal trainer and wellness professional for over 25 years.

I’ve watched:

• bodies

• habits

• motivation cycles

• identity shifts

• self-sabotage

• breakthroughs

• burnout

And I’ve watched the same pattern repeat every single January.

The gym explodes on January 1st.

Parking lots are full.

Energy is loud.

Intentions are dramatic.

And by mid-January?

Gone.

Not because people are lazy.

Not because they “don’t want it bad enough.”

Because nothing actually changed.

A date changed.

A story changed.

But the identity stayed the same.

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What a New Year’s Resolution Really Is

A New Year’s resolution sounds productive, but psychologically, it usually means:

• “I don’t want to deal with this right now.”

• “I’ll become someone else later.”

• “I need external permission to begin.”

• “I’m uncomfortable with where I am.”

That’s not commitment.

That’s postponement dressed up as hope.

A resolution says:

“Future me will handle this.”

Excellence says:

“I deal with what’s real now.”

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Why Dates Feel Safer Than Decisions

Dates are comforting because they create distance.

They allow people to:

• delay discomfort

• avoid responsibility

• postpone identity shifts

• feel “motivated” without acting

January 1st becomes a psychological buffer.

It lets people believe:

• “I’m not failing — I just haven’t started yet.”

• “This year was bad, next year will be better.”

• “Once the calendar flips, things will change.”

But life doesn’t work that way.

Your nervous system doesn’t know it’s January.

Your habits don’t reset because of a holiday.

Your patterns don’t dissolve on command.

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The Lie of the “Bad Year”

Another thing that has always irritated me is how people talk about years.

“This year was terrible.”

“I can’t wait for this year to be over.”

“Next year will be better.”

That mindset is a problem.

Life isn’t divided into good years and bad years.

Life is divided into seasons of learning.

Some years:

• stretch you

• expose blind spots

• force boundaries

• dismantle illusions

• ask more of you than you expected

That doesn’t make them bad.

That makes them formative.

When you write off a year as “awful,” you miss the intelligence inside it.

You miss the growth.

You miss what it was shaping in you.

You don’t outgrow your life by skipping chapters.

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Why This Has Always Bothered Me (Even Before I Had Words)

I remember feeling this irritation decades ago, long before social media, hustle culture, or “New Year, New Me” slogans.

Something about it felt off.

Performative.

Panicked.

Inauthentic.

People weren’t changing because they were ready.

They were changing because they felt pressured.

And pressure doesn’t build excellence.

It builds short-lived compliance.

That’s why the pattern repeats every year.

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If You Need a Date to Change, You’re Avoiding Something

Let’s say this cleanly.

If you truly want something:

• you don’t wait for January

• you don’t need a countdown

• you don’t outsource responsibility to a calendar

You deal with what’s real.

Waiting for a date usually means avoiding:

• a hard truth

• a boundary

• an identity shift

• a conversation

• discomfort

• accountability

That doesn’t make you weak.

It makes you human.

But pretending a date will fix it?

That keeps people stuck.

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What Actually Works (This Is the Part People Skip)

Real change doesn’t start with motivation.

It starts with expectation.

This is why I sign my emails with:

Expect Excellence.

Not perfection.

Not intensity.

Not punishment.

Excellence simply means:

• honesty over hype

• consistency over drama

• responsibility over excuses

And here’s the key part:

Expect excellence today — not someday.

Because excellence isn’t seasonal.

It’s behavioral.

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Identity Beats Resolution Every Time

Instead of:

• “I’m going to work out this year”

  Try:

• “I’m someone who moves my body.”

Instead of:

• “I’m going to eat better”

  Try:

• “I respect my energy.”

Instead of:

• “This year will be different”

  Try:

• “I don’t negotiate with patterns that hurt me.”

That’s not semantics.

That’s how behavior actually changes.

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Stop Letting Dates Do the Heavy Lifting

Dates don’t change lives.

Decisions do.

If something matters:

• it matters on a random Wednesday

• it matters in October

• it matters when no one is watching

If you feel resistance right now, that’s information — not failure.

Ask yourself:

What am I avoiding by waiting?

That question alone does more than any resolution ever will.

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Final Thought

If New Year’s resolutions have always irritated you, there’s probably a reason.

You may be wired for:

• long-term thinking

• integrity over urgency

• excellence over performance

And that’s not a flaw.

If you need a date to change, you’re avoiding something.

But if you’re willing to face what’s real — today — you don’t need January.

You need honesty.

You need consistency.

You need expectation.

Expect Excellence.

Every day runs together.

And that’s exactly how real change happens.

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Read More Articles from Kathie

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Transcript

Hey, welcome back to Kathie's Coaching Podcast. I'm your host, Kathie Owen. I've been a wellness and performance coach, former personal trainer of over 25 years, and I specialize in pattern recognition. In people, in workplaces, in habits, in the things that quietly keep us stuck. If you've ever felt irritated by New Year's resolutions or wondered why they never seem to work, this video is for you because today we're talking about something most people don't wanna hear, but desperately need to understand. Here it is. If you need a date to change, you're avoiding something. Yeah, I said it. And no, that's not judgment, that's pattern recognition. I've never liked New Year's resolutions, and I didn't even know why for a long time. I just knew they irritated me. Then I spent decades watching the same cycle. Repeat January hits, the gym explodes. Energy is loud, motivation is dramatic, and two weeks later, gone. Not because people are lazy, not because they don't want it badly enough, because nothing actually changed. A date changed, a story changed, but the identity stayed exactly the same. A New Year's resolution usually sounds productive, but psychologically it often means, I don't wanna deal with this right now. I'll become someone else later. Future me will handle it. That's not commitment, that's postponement. Dressed up as hope. If you need January 1st to begin, what you're really doing is creating distance from discomfort. Dates feel safer than decisions. Dates, give people permission to wait. They allow you to say, I'm not failing, I just haven't started yet. This year was bad. Next year will be better. Once the calendar flips, things will change, but your nervous system doesn't know it's January. Your habits don't reset because of a holiday. Your patterns don't dissolve because we all agreed it's a new year. Life doesn't work like that. Another thing that's bothered me, people trashing entire years. We've all heard it this year was awful. I can't wait to leave this year behind. Next year will be better. No, life is not divided into good years and bad years. Life is divided into seasons of learning. Some years stretch you. Some years break illusions. Some years, force boundaries. That doesn't make them bad, that makes them necessary. You don't grow by skipping chapters. So let's say it again. Slowly. If you need a date to change, you're avoiding something. That something might be a hard truth. A boundary, an identity shift, a conversation, accountability, and that doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. But pretending a date will fix it, that keeps people stuck. This is why I end my emails with one simple line, expect excellence. Not perfection. Not intensity, not punishment. Excellence means honesty over hype, consistency over drama, responsibility over excuses. And here's the key. Expect excellence today, not someday, because excellence isn't seasonal, it's behavioral. So instead of I'm going to work out this year, try I'm someone who moves my body. Instead of I'll eat better in January. Try I'll respect my energy. Instead of this year will be different. Try I don't negotiate with patterns that hurt me. That's how real change happens quietly, cleanly, without announcements. If New Year's resolutions have always irritated you, there's probably a reason. You might be wired for: long-term thinking, integrity over urgency, excellence over performance. And that's not a flaw. Dates don't change lives. Decisions do. If this resonated with you, this is the kind of work I do. I break down real world patterns in people, in workplaces and in leadership dynamics. So you can see what's actually happening beneath the surface. I share workplace case studies, behavioral insights, and practical clarity you can use immediately. If you know someone who needs to hear this, please share it with them, and don't worry, there's always another video coming your way. Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you next time. Peace out and namaste.